The crystal ball shows us all


Here at the FanDome, Crystal Ball Day is the same as Groundhog Day. It only happens once a year, people are mildly curious about what happens and then everybody forgets all about it. This is my sixth year doing this post right before the start of the season. The old sphere doesn’t pass the biblical test because it’s only correct about 37% of the time. Even my game picks do better than that. Despite all that, let’s take a deep gaze and see what we can see.

  • Derek Jeter will play more games than Jose Reyes.
  • Phil Hughes will win thirteen games for the Twins.
  • Albert Pujols puts up a .900 OPS.
  • The Angels will be the best team in the AL West.
  • Don Mattingly will say everything is fine between him and Yasiel Puig at least 64 times during the season.
  • Puig will have more steals than TOOTBLANs, but not by much.
  • Billy Hamilton will have an OBP of .305 and steal 80 bases. Reds fans will still think that’s better than Choo.
  • My wife will call Dustin Pedroia, “Jammy Pants,” at least 78 times during the season. She’ll call David Ortiz, “Big Poopy,” half as many times.
  • Brian Roberts will play more games than Steve Lombardozzi and have a higher WAR.
  • Chris Davis will hit 38 homers.
  • Ryan Howard will drive in 100 runs and still be worth less than 2.5 wins.
  • The Rangers will come in third place in the AL West.
  • I will win the It’s About the Money fantasy league and then will not believe it was my first time ever playing.
  • Instant Replay will cut down manager ejections by 67%.
  • A.J. Pierzynski will still block the plate and get away with it.
  • David Robertson will have 40 saves and blow six of them and people will think he’s terrible.
  • The Padres will play over .500 baseball and the Rockies will come in last place.
  • Every team in the AL East will finish the season with an 84-78 record.
  • The Cleveland Indians will push hard for the division despite not being able to beat the Tigers.
  • Starlin Castro will not be the starting shortstop for the Cubs by the All Star Break.
  • Wil Myers will have a higher OPS than Evan Longoria.
  • John Mayberry will forever be in in RFD (Ryne’s freakin’ doghouse).
  • Adam Dunn gets traded by the trade deadline. The Brewers will get him.
  • Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion will combine for 80 homers.
  • Matt Harvey will pitch in September.
  • Madison Bumgarner and Stephen Strasburg will really challenge Clayton Kershaw for the NL Cy Young Award.
  • Tim Hudson will win twelve games for the Giants.
  • For the fourth year in a row, I will have no idea who lives in the MLB Fan Cave and that is fine with me.
  • The Twins’ home opener will feature music from the movie, Frozen.
  • Several White Sox youngsters will have good seasons and give the fan base hope.
  • For the fourth year in a row, Alcides Escobar will have more stolen bases than walks.
  • The NL East finish: Nats, Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies.
  • Josh Johnson will come back and pitch a complete game shutout and then hurt himself flinching from a pie in the face.
  • Randy Wolf will get ten starts someplace.
  • Max Scherzer will again win the Cy Young Award. But Justin Verlander has better pillow talk.
  • At least one of Joe Maddon‘s road trip ideas will be a complete dud.
  • The Dodgers will have a Kangaroo Court and Zack Greinke won’t want to go.
  • A GM will get fired this year. Contenders: Seattle’s, Dbacks’ or Phillies’.
  • There will be 3,258,393 hyperbolic statements about Derek Jeter this year from broadcast booths around the country.
  • Giancarlo Stanton will hit 35 homers but miss 40 games due to leg injuries.
  • The NL West will finish: Dodgers, Giants, Padres, Dbacks, Rockies.
  • Matt Carpenter will have a slightly disappointing offensive season.
  • Buster Posey will win the batting title.
  • Joey Votto will drive in 90 runs and nobody will be happy with him.
  • Adrian Gonzalez will still be my least favorite player.
  • Josh Hamilton will have a very good season.
  • The Mariners will struggle not because of their offense but because of their pitching.
  • Ryan Zimmerman will play first more than third this year.
  • The Yankees will trade a catcher by the deadline.
  • Bill Cowher and Kirk Gibson will create a new reality show and try to out intense face each other.
  • The Carlos Santana third base thing will work out okay.
  • The Houston Astros will win 74 games.
  • The NL Central will finish: Cards, Pirates, Reds, Brewers, Cubs.
  • Ryan Braun will have a great season.
  • The AL Central will finish: Indians, Tigers, Royals, White Sox, Twins.
  • Ron Washington will bunt no matter what those numbers guys say.
  • Adeiny Hechavarria will have a slugging percentage over .300 this year. But not by much.
  • Aroldis Chapman will throw a pitch 100 MPH and staples will be flying everywhere like that witch in the Bugs Bunny cartoons.
  • Aaron Harang will make Braves’ fans pine for the days of Freddy Garcia.
  • Freddie Freeman will have a better season than Paul Goldschmidt.
  • The Padres won’t trade Chase Headley because they will be in the wild card hunt.
  • The AL West will finish: Angels, A’s, Mariners, Rangers, Astros.
  • Chone Figgins will be a nice story this season.
  • Jose Molina will share his framing secret as pretending the baseball is a moon pie.
  • Dexter Fowler will have a season to make the Rockies look idiotic.
  • Manny Machado will surprise us all with how many games he plays and how well he does.
  • Yunel Escobar will turn back into Yunel Escobar.
  • The Phillies will work out trades for both Cliff Lee and Jimmy Rollins and both will say no and refuse to go.
  • Tanaka will win rookie of the year and everyone will say the rules need to change.
  • PED suspensions will become tougher thereby punishing Hispanic players even more.
  • The Rockies will have a problem with pot in the stands.
  • And last but not least, Mike Trout will again be the best player in baseball and still not win the MVP Award.

Happy Baseball Season!

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